His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
