just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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