Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize