Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
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Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
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We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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