allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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