Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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