I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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