her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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