Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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