if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So vagazzling was a success
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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