Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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