Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
