we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
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i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
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This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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