if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
