Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
