UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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