i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
