You made me cry and you don't even care
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
