Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
