dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
