The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We left an ass print on the piano.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
