I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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