If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
