Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
