so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
