doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
