Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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