just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I want her autograph on my taint
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
