Sponge bath it is.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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