He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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