I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
