This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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