Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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