It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
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I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
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i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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