the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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