I got chris browned last night
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
