Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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