holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You need Xanax blowdarts
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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