I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
