just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
