we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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