i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
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All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
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I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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