was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
