im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
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He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
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Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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