aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
