did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Let's paint friendship bongs
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
