My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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