Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
