Fuck appropriateness.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I AM VODKA MAN
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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