I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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