Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
