I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
