I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
