she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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