just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
