3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
