Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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